Just in case we do end up moving, I decided I should start some clearing out while I have a chance. It is amazing what you find when going through papers and drawers stuffed full of all sorts of goodies. I am not a hoarder with most things and can't stand clutter and yet I am sentimental and cannot throw certain things away that people have given me. I have just been going through so many memories of people - some from many years ago and most of them have now died. It was a shock to open one gift card in particular from my wedding day 28 years earlier and see my dear grandmothers familiar handwriting. It brought back so many memories of a childhood that can never be re-lived and it made me look at all the years between then and now.
What has happened; what I have gone through and survived, what life has made me and who I have become today. All those memories stored in boxes and drawers have come tumbling out today. Most of the items brought wonderful memories of times and people who have now passed from my life. Sadly, I also realised I have even kept reminders of nasty things from years back and from today, my home has no room for those any more and I have had great pleasure in throwing them out. In doing so, I have managed to throw the people and the bad memories they bring with them in the bin also.
A move always means a fresh start and on going through all I have, I realise I have held onto some of the bad memories for far too long. They have no space in my life anymore and nor do the people that come with them. What has been good about today is, no matter if the sale falls through and we end up not moving, the thought of it has made me do something I should have done many years ago. I have a new name thanks to my writing and now I might be living in a new house in a different town. This time, the only memories I will be packing and taking with me, are the ones that bring me joy and the only tears from now on, will be happy, sentimental tears for the love and affection shared with those who are no longer with me, but who I hope to see and meet up with again one day.