Monday, 13 December 2010

I'm In Limbo

Have you ever had that feeling that there is something about to happen in your life, but you don't quite know what? That's what I have been feeling like in the last few weeks. There is something hanging around me that is making me feel impatient and unsettled. I have no idea why I am feeling this way, but it is very unnerving at times.

Everything around me seems unreal in some way and I cannot get excited about anything. It's as if all that is happening now is just to bide time until the main event. I don't know if you understand what I mean by that, but I'm sure some, if not all of you, will have experienced this feeling at some time or another. The thing is, even though I know this feeling has happened to me before, I can't remember if anything followed or came of it.

I am hoping something does happen- something good that is. The air of expectancy is increasing day by day until I feel something is about to explode. I am not the most patient of people at any time, but this is awful. There is nothing worse than wishing one's life away by looking too far ahead and wishing to be in the future and yet that is how I'm feeling. I want Christmas and New Year out of the way so that whatever it is that's to happen can happen unhindered.

Isn't that silly? I love Christmas and this is the first year I haven't felt anything about it because of this impatience to 'get on with it'. Every year I do the tree, I put on Christmas carols, open a bottle and have a drink while singing along aloud to all the Christmas carols and other songs. This year - nothing. It didn't help I was unwell and my husband did most of the tree either, but even present shopping which I usually get excited about isn't doing anything for me this year.

The feeling of something about to happen in the near future is awful and I wish it would go away as it is ruining the present. I have tried to push it to the back of my mind, but it's as though it's warning me to be prepared. Prepared for what though? All I can say is, okay, I am prepared and think something might happen, but now can you leave me alone and let me enjoy my Christmas. If it's going to happen - whatever 'it' is, then it'll happen anyway. Until it does, bring on Christmas.

4 comments:

  1. Actually, Lorraine, I know *exactly* how you feel! I find myself in much the same position right now - and I have at other times in the past as well.

    However, I *do* recall that something comes of this feeling when I get it. More often than not, it's something good. However, last year, there were two family losses preceded by this feeling.

    I don't know what's coming up for me, either. I'm doing my best to put out to the universe that I'm wide open for something good, and that I want to make good things happen.

    We'll see how it turns out. ;-)

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  2. I think something wonderful will be happening to you and these feelings that you have is your body and mind trying to cleasnse itself making you prepared for the changes about to happen. All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves. Maybe a sadness for the old life or Lorraine you are leaving behind to make room for the new changes that are about to begin for you. I hope that you will be able to settle yourself a bit and enjoy your Christmas with the people you love.

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  3. I always do feel a bit 'in limbo' at this time of year. I think its to do with the weather, and the feeling that I'm 'hibernating' rather than out doing things and getting on with life.

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  4. We're all in limbo to some degree. Big things though or life changing events happen to people with little or no warning, so I wouldn't go getting too exited, just try to enjoy Christmas, it may be your last.

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