Saturday, 11 December 2010

Men and Christmas Shopping

Watch out ladies, it’s that time of year again when all men go weak at the knees at the site of a pretty sales girl flaunting her wares. Sadly, a fluttered eyelash or two and a coquettish smile make all the men think that the young girl playing with him wants him and not his money. It doesn’t matter that she’s only about sixteen while he’s probably fifty plus with balding head and huge beer stomach. He thinks he is so desirable to her that he wants to impress her further with his kind and generous nature so he buys whatever it is she’s telling him he really can’t live without. He cannot for the life of him see that he’s being played for the fool he is.

How sad are men, they are so easy aren’t they? Last Christmas my husband came home smelling like he had rolled in something very like surgical spirit mixed with a flower garden. Not a nice smell. “What on earth have you got on?” I asked him reeling back and almost passing out with the fumes.
“Why, what’s wrong – don’t you like it? The girl in the shop said it smelt lovely on me and that you’d really love it, so I bought the largest bottle they had. After all, she said it was the most cost effective way to buy it.”

I have had to put up with that nasty aftershave for nearly a year now and I cannot find the darned stuff to accidentally spill it all. He is just very lucky it is not a perfume he bought for me.

I have just come back from shopping in the town and there they all are. Two weeks before Christmas, all the men being dragged around the shops by their wives or girlfriends. Shoulders slumped and chins almost on their chests with a face so miserable that even a mother wouldn’t love it. They all look like they’d rather be anywhere but in the shops with the women at that time. Suddenly, one of them jerks himself upright with a jolt so sudden that it shocks all those standing too close. His head shoots up, shoulders get pulled rapidly back, stomach is visibly sucked in hard, a huge toothy grin, albeit slightly manic appears on his face and his eyes twinkle.

What caused this miraculous transformation you ask? Yes, you guessed it, a sales girl approached him with a bottle in her hand and a smile on her face, as looking intently into his eyes, she closed in ready for the kill. Poor silly sod can’t see what the rest of us can, the rest that is except for the other men in the store. The men who see this spectacle are standing next to their women with looks of jealousy on their faces drooling as they watch the lucky sod whose wrist the salesgirl is stroking having just sprayed something obnoxious on it. Just in time, the woman he’s with appears and drags him away before his credit card is pulled out.

Problem is, we wives and girlfriends know that he is gullible and all it takes is a smile and a look under hooded eyes to have him like putty in our hands. That or a beaming smile as though he’s the one man you’ve been waiting for all your life. Of course, we all know he isn’t like that at home. He’s probably been moaning at his poor wife all week about how much Christmas is costing and what is all the fuss about. Today we rescued him from buying something awful, but come Christmas Eve, he’ll be let loose on the town to do his last minute mad dash to the shops to get his presents. That’s when the salesgirls have a heyday. How do I know? It’s how I met the man I married – he got more than he bargained for when he went shopping that day – so did I!

2 comments:

  1. sex sells, oldest trick in the book.. works both ways too.. women are just as vulnerable though less obvious than men perhaps

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