Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Meeting a Man for Coffee

This morning I had a request amongst my e-mails to meet up for a coffee. It is with a man I have known for many years - more than I dare say. Let's just say, I have been married for 27 years and I knew him well before that! We haven't seen each other for quite a long time and it would be nice to catch up and hear all the news of what we've both been up to. He is single at present, so it would be good to hear he had met someone and was happy again.

I mentioned to my husband that I had been asked and informed him I was meeting up with my friend in a local hotel that is very close to where I live and is always busy with locals going for lunch, coffee etc. He said something which set me to thinking. He wondered what others would think seeing me out with another man for a coffee and how would I feel if it was him meeting a woman in the same circumstances. It isn't the fact I'm meeting him that worries my husband, he's quite happy for me to. He is just worried what other people will make of it.

Actually, I have to say, if it was someone he had known all those years it wouldn't worry me at all. If it was a new acquaintance that would be a totally different thing. Likewise, if I was having coffee with a man I had just met, that too would be very wrong. In the situation I am going though, I see nothing wrong with it. If people gossip, let them. It is the same as when I had my article in the paper that you saw recently, one person on seeing it could only make one comment to my husband.

It was the first they had seen of my life as an author and heard about all I was doing with my writing and my Authors on Show sites and yet the only comment they made was, "Why is she calling herself by that name? People will think you're divorced." I asked my husband if any other comment had been made about maybe my achievements or how well the article was written, but no, that was the only comment made.

How sad is that? It says more to me about the people than it does about my relationship with my husband. Anyone who knows us, knows the truth, those who don't know us don't need to know anyway do they? It is what I call, small town mentality. Everyone is looking for someone to talk about because they don't go anywhere and so need something new to discuss. The fact they know the truth doesn't matter, it just means they have something, or someone, new to talk about.

Ah well, when you're talked about it means you must be important. If they weren't talking about me it would be someone else. I can guarantee the person worried about my name has spread the word to quite a few others and they in turn will have done the same. By now though, it won't just be the name I use, it will have had a juicy story added to it. It does make me laugh. The hotel I am going to this morning will undoubtedly have some people there that we both know. Watch the tongues start to wag again. How funny - using a different name and now out with a different man - that is bound to give them something to feed off for some time to come.


  1. I agree with you Lorraine. You are both having a coffee in a public place during the day I am guessing. Some of our friends are married and some are single. Sometimes get-togethers are pre-arranged and some are more impromptu. Sometimes our friends are of the opposite sex and so what of it? But I have to admit from my own experience you feel the 'small town mentality' more as you get older. I had lots of friends in my twenties who were male. I was at college and at work and I was single. My male friends were single. If I talk to a guy now I take into consideration if he is in a relationship or not. But I hope that wouldn't put me off talking just make me a little more aware and sensitive about his relationship. You can tell I'm single! But anyway I like the growth of cafe culture and meeting up in a coffee shop is great whether you meeting your child from school, a first date or an old friend.

  2. Lorraine - reading your blog for the first time and I have just sent you an email to say what a shame it is that we can't share a cup of coffee this morning (I live in France.) I am a married woman not a man so it would be fine!!! however I think you should be above all this trivial nonsense and not give it the time of day. People will talk - let them - you have bigger, better and more worthwhile things to attend to. Best wishes Valerie